i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
