Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
