I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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