i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize