I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
