im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize