Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
