First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize