just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
