Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
