Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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