fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
