she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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