I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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