did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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