if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
