My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
