So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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