I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
