i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
