soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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