i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
