haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
