I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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