I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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