Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
