Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
