be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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