so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
