I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We talked him into tasing himself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
