where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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