How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize