Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
