Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
