Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
