tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
