We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
