Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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