Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
