I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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