I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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