"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
