last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
