: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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