She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize