nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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