THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
