im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
