somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize