Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
