Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
