I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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