Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
