overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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