I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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