That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Green mimosas i think yes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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