There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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