I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
