So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
