Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
