i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
