Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
