I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
