I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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