so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
