this beer tastes like vomit already
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
