so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
