he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
