i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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