WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
