your parents love me but you hate me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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