Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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