Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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